Ode to Diets

I was one who never really cared about dieting.  I couldn't be bothered with the stress of trying to look like everyone else.  I didn't worry about my weight, I was normal to slightly heavier than normal most of my life.  My weight wasn't a problem, my fashion style definitely was.  I was told every day by a girl in high school that I was ugly and my momma dressed me funny.  It did wonders to my self esteem.  It was hard enough that my family was poor let alone getting teased because we couldn't afford the "cool clothes".  My weight on the other hand was in the okay range and I didn't mind it, until after I had a few children.  I only fluctuated 5-10 pounds either way, but with each child after my third I couldn't remove those last  ten pounds until now where I am over my normal weight by a whopping 75 pounds.  Most of the time it still doesn't bother me because I am strong and healthy.  After so many ads and pressure to look like a sucker kind of gets to the self esteem.  I am today at a point were I am not happy with my weight.  I am not eating right and stuck in this horrible addiction to carbs.  After watching Conference I decided that I needed to change and get control of the addiction.  I use to smoke and drink alcohol and rarely ate unhealthy things, now I don't smoke or drink and I almost always eat unhealthy things.  I guess it's true that you don't get rid of the addictions you just trade it in for a new one.  With the help of the Lord maybe I can trade this bad eating habit in for a new one that is better and healthier for me.  So if I show up to dessert group and try to order unhealthy please be kind and remind me that I'm trying to change my habits.  I could use all the help I can get.  I don't want to be a supermodel just a better me.  A message for Sam, quit crying!  Ha! Ha!  I am okay and I do love myself no matter what I look like.  I am special.  I deserve to treat myself that way and to quit hurting and punishing myself.